Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize