I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
