Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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