it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
