So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
