I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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