I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
