you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
