We're facebook friends in real life
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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