we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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