Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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