Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
