these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
