You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
