i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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