i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
