never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
