I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
