Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
