You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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