his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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