i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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