Where did you get a picture of my penis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
