He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
