your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
