I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Pants are for mortals
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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