the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
