He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
