everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
