That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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