Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
