It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
