Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
