all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
