If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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