he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
