I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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