So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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