Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
