I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
