I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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