If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
