So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
