it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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