whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
