I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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