so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
