Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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