You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize