Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
