I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
