The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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