guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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