FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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