I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
