My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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