I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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