I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
