pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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