I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
