Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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