I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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